Movement.

Today in class we had a guest speaker come and talk to us about social movements. And how usually when we learn about them, we are so focused on the leaders of them; Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Gandhi. And these people are all amazing and have accomplished so much. But what about the thousands of millions of people that followed them? They are the ones that played an extremely important role in all of those movements. All the nameless people we see in black and white photographs in our textbooks. Those are the ones that really pushed forward to accomplish a lot of the opportunities that are available to us today.

I want to be a part of something important. Something that I am passionate about.

I want to fight for a cause that will affect millions for the better.

I want to be a part of history. Even if I'm not a leader. I want to be a part.

It's aiight.

Sometimes its ok to want to cry in the middle of Starbucks while you’re doing your homework because a really beautiful song just came on your itunes.

Or to make a text message make your day.

Its very ok to spend too much money at Starbucks on a daily basis.

I find it to be just fine that I procrastinate too much and would rather stand out in the rain than be stuck inside my dorm room for more than an hour at a time.

It’s pretty alright to go to sleep and then wake up and be too lazy to change, so you wear your pajamas all day. And since your pajamas are also your work clothes, then you wear it to work. And then fall back asleep in them that night.

Its ok to crave chocolate even when you know for a fact that you’re not PMSing.

To want to talk to people so bad that you strike up conversations with baristas and homeless people.

It’s just fine when you start finding dreadlocks in your hair because you have been too lazy to brush it all week.

Its perfectly alright to be a hot mess, all the time.

Whales.

I am sitting in Starbucks [my home land] writing a ten page paper about the captivity of whales. Although this is a subject that I am extremely interested in, I unfortunately cannot bring myself to write more than a paragraph at a time.

But that's not my point. My point is; whales are awesome. Like seriously, if something can be that gigantic and majestic and graceful at the same time; they've got it goin' on.

I do not think whales should be kept in captivity and be forced to preform for live audiences several times a day. Although it is good for our economy and gives people the chance to experience the sight of whales and dolphins, it just doesn't seem right and humane to me. No aquarium, no matter how well constructed, could ever amount to the ocean.

That's like my parents pulling me out of college and telling me I had to work at McDonalds for the rest of my life because we needed the money. Im just sayin, I wouldn't be happy.

riled up now!

I honestly kind of like it when people who don't know me get worked up over things I do or say.

I get a little kick out of it.

Like they care so much about something that I don't find a really big deal at all.

Hilarious.

Midterms.

Seriously. Like kill me now.

Ok- maybe I'm being dramatic. But I always get this way when I know summer time is coming. All my motivation evaporates and all I can think about is summer, beaches, tanning, friends, boys, parties, and fun.

BUT I CANT THINK ABOUT THAT! I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT MIDTERMS!

But seriously. It's just not fair. Oregon schools get out like a month later than California schools. That, my friends, is just BALLS.

I bought really cute jeans from Nordstoms. SPLURGE. And Im wearing them. As we speak. And they make me feel hot.

I am also sitting on the floor of the second floor lobby. Procrastinating. As we speak.

If only I put in as much effort for studying as I did for procrastinating. I would be a whole new woman.

I will do an interpretive dance to the A+ gods. As well as the sun gods. And maybe I will throw one in to the gods of green tea, coffee, and diet coke.

Ohh Ray.

He just rips my heart out every time!

ALSO: Joni Mitchell? Hello.

"You are like holy wine,

so bitter and so sweet.

I could drink a case of you,

And I'd still be on my feet."

Revelry:

According to webster's:

lively and noisy festivities; esp. when these involve drinking a large amount of alcohol

My life is just one big revelry.

I like good people. Like honest, genuine good people. Ones that make you feel comfortable and wanted and loved and appreciated. I have more of those than I could ever ask for in my life.

Midterms this week. AWESOME.

I cannot focus. But I must. I will use the force.

I told you to be patient.

I would like to say that I am ok with everything. And that I am completely and utterly happy. And that everything is perfect and just the way I want it to be.

But I would be lying to myself.

I honestly expected this.

I often do lie to myself. And am in denial of the outcomes that I know are bound to happen.

Because I am living in the moment. And I do what I want right when I want to do it. Sometimes I feel like it's ok to lie to yourself. But I suppose I'll have to bear the consequences that I knew were coming.

Love.

I was sitting outside of Starbucks this morning smoking my cigarette in thought and this funny couple dressed in hipster clothes come stumbling out the door with their coffees. The man kisses the woman rather slopily and she replies with a "Gross!"

He looks at her and says "Gross?"

She replies with a "I mean, fabulous...naturally."

And they part their ways smiling the girl turns around halfway down the block and yells out "Love you!" and the man yells back "Love you!" And they carried on.

This made me smile. Seeing people happy and in love just makes my day.

Then it got me to thinking how I've never been in love. I wonder what I'm missin out on. Something great apparently.

Bipolar much?

Im everywhere. Just complete chaos.

Im this, Im that.

I am a hypocrite.

I am patient one second, I am itching from waiting so long the next.

Im so happy I could cry, Im crying because Im sad.

Seriously. I think my hormones are off balance or something.

Good God.

ughh.

I gave up a great opportunity today. A FANTASTIC opportunity.

for something shitty, REAL shitty.

Awesome.

I wish sometimes

That I liked smoking pot more. Everyone else seems to have a grand ol' time with it. And frankly, it just makes me wanna pass out.

However, for the sake of the holiday, I will smoke some herb. Peer pressure? Probably.

I am a pushover, and I am not ashamed.

Homeless people have been attracted to me lately. I swear I am a magnet for them. They're coming up to me left and right having conversations and asking for cigarettes and money. Maybe I'm their type.

But honestly, I love having conversations with them. And if I can spare a dollar of fifty cents, then I will. Good karma will come around. And ya know what, sometimes people really do need a beer down at the 76 station, and who am I to tell them no?

Mood Swings.

So up and down today. I don't know what it is.

Back on my workout craze starting tomorrowwww.

Cunninlynguist is so good to me right now.

This song hits me.

Planned Parenthood

The coolest place ever!

They gave me birth control AND a huge bag of condoms.

HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY.

I am too sex crazed.

Pahh, scratch that, you could never be too sex crazed. Unless you were like a nympho or something. But even then...who could blame them?

Note to self:

Stop having such high expectations.

Sun.

I dont know how many times I've talked about sun on this blog.

Probably like every other one.

But what can I say, its my favorite.

And right now its like 70 degrees in Portland in April, and that is just about the best thing that I could ask for right now.

Once again, I am smoking too many cigarettes, and spending too much money, and not doing enough homework. But Im happy. Real happy.

Even though Im blowing off things that need to be done and probably not making the best decisions, I feel like I am at a good place in my life. Things feel like they're falling into place, right where they should be.

It's weird though, because for some reason I have this looming feeling in the back of my mind that this feeling wont last long.

Welp! Guess I should enjoy it while I can.

ohh spring.

Sho.

Spring.

Getting warm. beautiful.

I literally cannot bring myself to go inside until the sun goes down.

Classes. ehhh.

Losing things are great. even when you've been holding onto them for so long.

Its almost a relief. A reassuring one.