Centered and thoughtful.

Today I watched a spider through my bedroom window. It was spinning it's web. And I just stared at it, completely enthralled. Watching as it so thoughtlessly jumped with it's eight crawling legs from strand to strand of it's self made thread, carefully creating it's temporary home.

It's funny how fears can be so muted when separated by a thin sheet of glass.

It's funny how such subtle protection can be so comforting.

It's funny how we can be so afraid of something so small in the first place.

Now that spider sits, peaceful, in the center of it's creation. Where I can look at it, contemplative, through the center of my window.

Kittens!

Every room mate I have ever had has surprised me with a kitten.

I mean, I've only had two room mates ever...but still. Kind of a cool surprise.

This one is grey, and tiny, and adorable...and kind of annoying...but mostly adorable.

I want to go to school forever and ever.

It's also been hot everywhere on the west coast these days...and I wish it would stay that way forever and ever.

Walking.

Due to my lack of an automobile, I spend a lot of my time walking. And I go back and forth about walking. Obviously, there are going to be times where I am extremely lazy, and walking a mile seems like a great deal of an effort. But there are several times where I don't mind it at all, and see it as a chance to be outside and get a little exercise.

So today, I was walking to work to go workout before my shift started, and I was thinking about walking, while I was walking...you follow?

And I was thinking about how usually people don't walk places because:

A) They don't have the time

B) They're too lazy

C) The weather is not proper for walking

So they own cars. And when you're in a car, you're comfy and you've got your radio and the windows down and the breeze, or the windows up with the heater, right? However, what can you do while you're driving? Nothing. You stay on the road and follow the lines and the signs and the lights.

When you walk you are free to move about however you wish. You can cross paths and boundaries. Sidewalks are just a guideline. You can climb over rocks or through forest. You can change your pace as you'd like. Plus, you take your time, you look at the things around you. And because walking takes no thought, your mind is free to be filled with whatever you want. It's a chance for you to explore. Not only physically but also mentally.

I may very well be taking this whole walking thing a bit too far, but I like the idea. And when I know I have to walk somewhere, I make sure I have enough time. So I never really feel like I'm in a hurry to get to my destination. I just stroll along with my thoughts and sometimes my music. Think about if people weren't always in a hurry, which Americans are notorious for always being.

I should write a book about how to be under stressed. People may benefit.

Glee.

I forgot to express in my previous posts about how damn excited I am that Glee is back on.

Just in time to distract me from school. Just how I like it.

wants>needs.

I have wants. And I have needs. And sometimes I feel like my wants outweigh my needs. I don't know what that means. Or if it's good or bad. Or natural?

I'm still figuring that out.

"I want to turn this thing around,

I want to drink with you all night until we both fall down."

-Low Rising, Swell Season.

Potpourri.

I swam my first "intense" workout today in training for Alcatraz.

Lets just say I have a long road ahead.

Other than that...I had an interview at Starbucks. And I think I would legitimately shed tears of joy if I got that job. Like, I'm not even joking.

Also, I've been into cooking weird vegetables lately, and concocting interesting things.

Other exciting news: I found a bookshelf outside of the dumpsters of my apartments yesterday...a perfectly good bookshelf. Purple, in fact. And it just so happened that I needed a bookshelf. And now I am quite the happy camper.

As the Grinch would say, "One man's trash is another man's potpourri!"

Future Plans I.

I have this plan to swim in the Alcatraz Sharkfest Swim in June 2011.

It's completely feasible.

1.5 mile swim. $150.

And I get to pretend like I'm escaping from Alcatraz through freezing, treacherous waters.

Sounds like fun to me!

I have nine months.

Which is more than enough time to be in pristine shape for this.

I know it's not New Year's yet, but this is totes one of my resolutions.

I now pronounce Sept. 18th: Nerd Celebration Day.

What this lovely Saturday consisted of:

10:00 AM: Woken up by a phone call from my lovely friends telling me to be ready in ten minutes because Im getting picked up. Oh, and to bring chocolate chips.

10:15 AM: Hit up Starbucks for the ever so scrumtious pumpkin spice lattes, where I not only saw the infamous Hilary Sasse [best friend's mom], but I also scored myself an interview on Tuesday to be barista. YES!

11:00 AM: Make chocolate chip pancakes at Jason's house.

11:55 AM: Plop down in front of the television with our pancakes and watch Lord of the Rings.

3:30 PM: Drove in Ellie's car through the rain to Powell's City of Books [aka, MOTHERSHIP] where Jason and I nerded out on J.R.R. Tolken's books and I purchased The Hobbit.

5:00 PM: Return home to watch Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

7:00 PM: Ellie and Jason leave to an obligatory dinner while I await them to return to our marathon.

THIS DAY IS BLISS.

Also, it's pouring outside. And it's days like this, where I've been in my pajamas all day watching Lord of the Rings and eating a lot, that I really don't mind the rain.

Crime.

I keep forgetting about laws and regulations.

Life is more fun when all the restrictions just happen to slip your mind.

Risky business.

Don't be fooled/alarmed...I like to pretend to be so much more of a badass than I actually am.

True story.

Byrd.

There's this girl that I've known since ninth grade. She is sunshine. And we've had this strange relationship. Although we went to the same school for four years, we never really hung out outside of class, and we wouldn't really talk on the phone or anything like that. We weren't each other's go-to people. But when the timing was right and we ended up in the same place at the same time, it was like we had known each other our whole lives. Truths and secrets could spill out of us with such ease and comfort, and we wouldn't judge each other. We would only offer support. And although our lives were so different, and we were at such opposite places, we understood each other in this strange, abstract way. Unexplainable.

And just tonight, after not talking for over a year, I get a text message, and before you know it we're talking like we haven't been away for a minute. That quality in friends is something that I appreciate so much. It really doesn't come around that often. Someone that listens and accepts and loves you. Unconditionally. Despite the time you've spent apart. I mean, sometimes family members don't even do that. And for someone to just go out of the way of their own hectic life to display that sort of kindness towards another is kind of a big deal.

I don't know if everyone realizes it when they have someone like that in their lives. I just realized this tonight. After five years. Brilliant shit this is.

I remember one time we were sitting on the grass and she was having trouble with her parents and she didn't want to be connected to them anymore by her last name. So I unofficially changed her last name to Byrd. Bird with a y, just to spice it up. I told her I did it because she deserves to be free, and that she has such potential to fly.

Bear with me. And my four loko.

All the time, I think I know what I want.

And then whatever it is I think I know what I want, I get.

But then I realize, it was never really what I thought I wanted.

Ya dig? Does that make sense?

Because after I get what I think I know what I want, I don't feel satisfied. Not like I thought I would. So maybe that means I need to rethink what it is exactly that I want. But then again, maybe I shouldn't think about what it is that I want, but what it is that I need.

But what happens happens. And ya can't change it. Ya just keep on goin'. And there is just a lil' but of regret. But not too much. But just enough to keep you awake a few minutes before you go to bed. And I'm really not a fan of regret. Not even a few minutes of it. Soooo, I brush it off. Like it's no big deal. And go to bed. And have good dreams. And that's that.

Four Lokos are not that good. I mean, they get the job done. But they are just so sweeeeet. I can't do sweet. Not like that.

I'm over September. It's such an in-between month. Summer and Fall. I just want to see the leaves turn yellow. That's my favorite color.

If the leaves changed color in July, summer would be better than sex.

Risky business.

Sometimes I go into things not knowing if it will make me feel better, or worse. Sometimes I'm skeptical about my own decisions, I question myself. But by the end of all my questioning, most of the time I choose to just go for it anyways, despite all my hesitation.

It's often a fifty-fifty chance of how the outcome will be. Good or bad.

And fifty percent is enough for me.

I would say 3 out of every 4 skeptical decisions I make end up on the good side of the spectrum.

That's 75%

Who knew this would turn into a math lesson.

Cold Campbells from the can.

I just rediscovered this song.

The lyrics are just sound brilliant to me. And her voice. And the piano. I swear, she's magical.

Happy days. Everything.

What's so great, I think, is that not only are these days in the present so awesome, but I have so much to look forward to in the near future as well.

In the past week, I have been feeling especially artsy. Been drawing quite a bit. Bought some new colored pencils. I like it. New mediums.

I've been sleeping for 60 days, nobody better pinch me. Bitch, I swear, I'll go crazy.

GEEZ, SO HAPPY. I COULD DIE.

Just good day.

Community, music, ice cream, friends, love.

Edward Sharpe tonight. The day I've been waiting for. My heart is bursting at it's seams with happiness. And I haven't even left to the concert yet.

This may sound awful, but sometimes old people really get on my nerves. However, today I fully enjoyed so many of them. Most are sweet, in their own quirky little ways, I've come to learn.