It's interesting to think about how often our moods change. How we can convince ourselves to feel alright for a little bit. But once that feeling is gone, the reality of things really lingers.
It always happens when I've been hanging out with friends, having a really good time. Conversation, laughter, cigarettes, food.
And then I go back to my place. And I'm alone. And I have nothing to do but think about things. To realize what's in front of me. What I have been in denial about this whole time.
God, it sucks.
So all I want to do is listen to emotionally draining music and cry.
Even though there is so much to be thankful for in life. And even though my life is paradise compared to so many others. And even though there is so much chaos and commotion on this earth.
Sometimes, I just want to have a pity party for myself.
Is that so bad?
It's ok. I'll get over it soon. My mind is everywhere.
"I used to see the night so anxious, but now I know. The only thing it ever taught me was a grand illusion that comes and goes."
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