Mal-Mal-Malfunct-unct-unctioning-ing-ing.

Spanish overload.

Work overload.

Teaching swim lessons overload.

Coffee...underload.

Below 70 degree weather overload.

MALFUNCTIONING.

Humph.

I'm running away. And I don't really care if it's childish or not.

SoCal or bust.

I really just need the ocean. And my mommy.

The I-think-too-much-about-things-sometimes syndrome.

I do this thing every once in a while where I somehow cause my brain to get all tangled up in my thoughts. And then my thoughts get all tangled up in my throat and move down into my chest then hastily out to all four of my limbs. And before I know it, my entire being is twisted up in the chaos of all these feelings I'm having. And I feel like such a girl. Being all complicated and shit.

And then I remember that nothing is really as complicated as so many of us make it out to be.

Or maybe I'm just being in denial of how complicated things actually are.

I don't know.

Either way, it works, at least for a little while.

And my body and my mind are freed from my tangled mess of emotions.

And sometimes I eat chocolate. And although it's not quite as effective or long lasting, it helps too.

I now pronounce Sept. 18th: Nerd Celebration Day.

What this lovely Saturday consisted of:

10:00 AM: Woken up by a phone call from my lovely friends telling me to be ready in ten minutes because Im getting picked up. Oh, and to bring chocolate chips.

10:15 AM: Hit up Starbucks for the ever so scrumtious pumpkin spice lattes, where I not only saw the infamous Hilary Sasse [best friend's mom], but I also scored myself an interview on Tuesday to be barista. YES!

11:00 AM: Make chocolate chip pancakes at Jason's house.

11:55 AM: Plop down in front of the television with our pancakes and watch Lord of the Rings.

3:30 PM: Drove in Ellie's car through the rain to Powell's City of Books [aka, MOTHERSHIP] where Jason and I nerded out on J.R.R. Tolken's books and I purchased The Hobbit.

5:00 PM: Return home to watch Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

7:00 PM: Ellie and Jason leave to an obligatory dinner while I await them to return to our marathon.

THIS DAY IS BLISS.

Also, it's pouring outside. And it's days like this, where I've been in my pajamas all day watching Lord of the Rings and eating a lot, that I really don't mind the rain.

Goodbyes.

It's funny how you can know someone for only less than a year, yet feel like you've known them your whole life. How someone can make you feel so comfortable around them so fast, and allow you to open up more than you ever have to any one else, without making you feel vulnerable. Someone you are always on the same page with. Who will love you unconditionally. Who will drop everything for you.

Those people don't come around often. Barely ever, if you're lucky.

So when they have to leave, change surroundings, head off for bigger and better things, you want to be happy for them because you know it's what's best. And you try and try to find it in your heart to not break down while you're hugging them goodbye at the airport security, and you can manage to keep it together on the car ride home. But once you walk into your home, empty and dark from the overcast day, you begin to realize that this person, that was just twenty minutes ago crying in your arms wont be there again till Thanksgiving.

And then you begin to cry.

And you know, I really really just hate goodbyes.

hmm. it's oook.

Sometimes, it's ok to sleep through all of your classes on a Tuesday.

It's alright to spend the entire half of your Monday with your friends adventuring around Portland instead of writing your papers and doing your projects.

It is MOST DEFINITELY ok to get an A on your history midterm, when you were expecting a C.

It's just fine to sit with the Starbucks baristas on their lunch break while you're waiting for your ride to pick you up.

It's pretty alright to be so impatient to get an apartment that you rent the very first one you look at.

I suppose it's not that bad that I haven't done any laundry in three weeks, and my clothes are exploded throughout my room. And I have very few clean choices left.

It's ok that the one person that I choose to call when I am bored most of the time is my mom.

Just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl.

I did not go to class today, in order to write my paper. But honestly, I would rather just be sleeping.

I am still writing the paper on whales. Wretched whales that wade in the waters of this world. I am so delirious that I am making up alliterations.

I watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for the first time. Not what I expected, but very good. I recommend it. I laughed, a lot.

I feel lighter. It is good to get things off your chest.

.

I don't want to change. I just want to grow.

Analyzing.

I am sick of having to analyze everything.

It's true, girls do analyze wayyyy too much.

And I honestly don't feel like I, myself analyze that much. I just hang out with people who do. I, most of the time, just do what I want to do and don't really think about the consequences.

I don't know if that's selfish. Or stupid. Or admirable?

I just find it to be SO frustrating when people feel the need to think and re-think how other people are going to react to something so simple as a text message or a facebook comment.

Seriously, who cares?

I think that people should do what they want. And say what they want to say. And not be scared of how the other person if going to react. Or if they're going to mess things up. I mean, if you want something that bad that you're willing to sit around and analyze every aspect of it for hours, then you should just damn do it.

By the way. This post is so hypocritical of me. Ha!

Sounding so good to me today:

The Beatles, ACDC, and Lil Wayne.

Side note:

So ready to try new things. Sometimes, I just hesitate.

It's aiight.

Sometimes its ok to want to cry in the middle of Starbucks while you’re doing your homework because a really beautiful song just came on your itunes.

Or to make a text message make your day.

Its very ok to spend too much money at Starbucks on a daily basis.

I find it to be just fine that I procrastinate too much and would rather stand out in the rain than be stuck inside my dorm room for more than an hour at a time.

It’s pretty alright to go to sleep and then wake up and be too lazy to change, so you wear your pajamas all day. And since your pajamas are also your work clothes, then you wear it to work. And then fall back asleep in them that night.

Its ok to crave chocolate even when you know for a fact that you’re not PMSing.

To want to talk to people so bad that you strike up conversations with baristas and homeless people.

It’s just fine when you start finding dreadlocks in your hair because you have been too lazy to brush it all week.

Its perfectly alright to be a hot mess, all the time.

Revelry:

According to webster's:

lively and noisy festivities; esp. when these involve drinking a large amount of alcohol

My life is just one big revelry.

I like good people. Like honest, genuine good people. Ones that make you feel comfortable and wanted and loved and appreciated. I have more of those than I could ever ask for in my life.

Midterms this week. AWESOME.

I cannot focus. But I must. I will use the force.

Bipolar much?

Im everywhere. Just complete chaos.

Im this, Im that.

I am a hypocrite.

I am patient one second, I am itching from waiting so long the next.

Im so happy I could cry, Im crying because Im sad.

Seriously. I think my hormones are off balance or something.

Good God.