Selfish Conspiracy Against the Sun.

I'll creep up in the late afternoon

Surreptitiously through sand dunes

So you'll be shaken

When I reach high and grab you.

Timing is critical.

It's crucial that I pick the perfect day,

When you're at your best.

I prefer you most that way.

I'll wear camouflage.

I'll swerve quick through the trees,

Blending in with the people,

I'll know you'll be by the sea.

That's right where I want you

Where I feel we both belong,

Where our colors show best

And our hearts are singing their greatest song.

I'm sorry to betray you

Since you've done me no harm,

Except for the redness

You've left a time or two upon my arm.

But I've just got to have you

Your powers make me strong.

If only I could have just a piece of you

To put inside my jar to bring along.

Humph.

I'm running away. And I don't really care if it's childish or not.

SoCal or bust.

I really just need the ocean. And my mommy.

The I-think-too-much-about-things-sometimes syndrome.

I do this thing every once in a while where I somehow cause my brain to get all tangled up in my thoughts. And then my thoughts get all tangled up in my throat and move down into my chest then hastily out to all four of my limbs. And before I know it, my entire being is twisted up in the chaos of all these feelings I'm having. And I feel like such a girl. Being all complicated and shit.

And then I remember that nothing is really as complicated as so many of us make it out to be.

Or maybe I'm just being in denial of how complicated things actually are.

I don't know.

Either way, it works, at least for a little while.

And my body and my mind are freed from my tangled mess of emotions.

And sometimes I eat chocolate. And although it's not quite as effective or long lasting, it helps too.

One of these days.

You know those days that come around, where by the end of it you're just so satisfied? And you fall into bed with a smile on your face because you had such an enjoyable, fantastic day. And everything about that time was almost perfect.

Yeah well, it's been a while.

Eye in the sky.

"3rd Planet" by Modest Mouse.

"Well, a third had just been made and we were swimming in the water
Didn't know then, was it a son, was it a daughter
When it occurred to me that the animals are swimming
Around in the water in the oceans in our bodies
And another had been found, another ocean on the planet
Given that our blood is just like the Atlantic"

Such weird lyrics. Love it. On repeat.

If I find my own way, how much will I find?

I love both these versions.

Yuck.

You know pea soup, how it is just a bowl of green mush.
I feel like that's what my brain is right now.
Pea soup mush.
Yum.